Straight from my journal ~ February 2022 - and as a side note, I actually had this in my drafts to post and never did so here goes.....
Wow, what a wild ride of a weekend grief wise! It started Friday with reseeing the sad story of the young boy Drayke’s suicide because of bullying then led into my aunty sending me a beautiful old photo of my Mum and Nana, then the news of Ukraine’s devastation as Russia invaded them then I watched a wonderful movie called “PS I love You” where a young husband dies of a brain tumor and leaves his widowed wife a year worth of love letters and notes that get randomly delivered to her.
I haven’t felt such intense grief wash over me like that in years! I cried my eyes out during the movie which I haven’t done for a long time! That’s the thing about grief, it catches you by surprise sometimes and comes when it needs to.
Saturday, the day after, I went for a 3-hour hike and felt better but felt a deep heaviness still and the odd wave of emotion. Sunday, I did an activated breath work session and that opened up more tears which flowed freely. Crying for my Mum who I miss so much. Crying for the younger Nina and all she went through. The grief was so strong and intense. I held myself, rocked to soft music, cried hard, did an emotional release around Mum and had this deep, intense wave of longing to return to my hometown and go to lie with her at her grave site which I have never before longed for. It cracked my heart open to a whole new level.
A new level of receiving more love, feeling it, giving it, receiving it, being it, embracing it. My intuition is calling me to share this journey of grief. Ironically the card I pulled the day I wrote this was “The Ever Unfolding Rose” – cracked open, it’s happening for you, not to you. It was all about keeping your heart open through the hurt and loss and letting what needs to fall away go.
Part of my heart died the day my mother passed away and anyone who has experienced such heartache will know the waves of grief that come and go throughout life. I feel this is another layer for me, a spiritual awakening of sorts. My body feels different. My mind has been elsewhere this past week. I have felt content but distant and not myself.
I am so grateful for this journey of grief, healing, growth and expansion. The tears, the pain, the hurt, the highs, lows – all of it! I welcome it and have been quietly sitting with the ebb and flow of all of the feelings this week as they pass through.
Today, a week on, I feel lighter but know I am still in the middle of some transition and I can’t wait to see what else comes my way. If you too are in the middle of another wave of healing, I see you. You’ve got this. I’m with you.
Are you ready to step into a more empowered and healed version of yourself and need help getting there? If yes then please reach out as I would love to chat more!
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